It is a relatively long time that I am convinced that people relate to each other through a 'Misunderstanding' called 'Understanding'. Well, it may look a bit scary, bluffy and too bad but I am afraid to say that it is true. And the funny thing is that the very means which is allegedly responsible for human communication and understating, i.e. language, is the same and main source of this misunderstanding.
Well, let me first clarify what I mean by 'misunderstanding'. By 'misunderstanding' I am actually referring to more subjective aspects of human communication. In other words, if two people are pointing towards a bicycle and describe its physical features, it is more likely that their misunderstanding of what the bicycle is made of, or its colour etc. is minimum. But the moment they begin talking about how cycling feels, their mutual understanding is more a matter of convenience rather than a matter of reality.
Why? Because individual background of each person is so unique to him/her that there is zero possibility of complete understanding. The tricky bit is that no one never knows how much s/he is understood. Understanding is a delusion upon which life has long established itself. There is also a possibility that by some chance two persons may get too close to a reliable understanding of each other, but again they usually don't know about this either. (This is the beginning of a series of posts on this issue-I hope.)
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True. When communicating you need to see the bodylanguage as well, not just hear the words, to understand. And even if you do, you cannot completely percieve the whole. It can be so frustrating. What really buggs me, is that I can be sure I've understood, right up til the point when the person says something, and I suddenly realise that I haven't understood squat.
One problem when communicating solely via writing is that most people are very vunerable and, for example jokes are often misunderstood. I think it will be better if we all work on our self-esteem and realise that most folks don't want to hurt us.
nyx--Wow! what a nice conclusion nyx. I really love what you come up with at the end. Thanks.
every soul is unique. Therfore there is nothing called unity in visions but understanding is sth close to a thinkable view in the listeners view.
Our sences are various & even identical twins vary in their perceptions :-)
Behrooz U have a talent of puzzling paths of thinking :-)
Happy Nu year in advance.
dr o2--thanks; Oh yes, we are getting close to the dear Norouz: happy new year to you too; btw, I didnot get the point about 'a thinkable view in the listerners view'; your point about identical twins is so true.
dro2: "understanding is something close to a thinkable view in the listeners view"... This is a great way to put it (though I'm not quite sure I understand it the way you mean it ;-)
Understanding is then based on my will to percieve what I hear or see.
BTW, "talking" to you guys are such a joy, you make my brain fry ;-)
That is quite a thought provoking post.I think we all at times feel misunderstood.Is is a unique thing to find another person who you feel understands you.
Tell us, Behrooz... have you been reading some modern philosophy... or maybe you ARE a modern philosopher! ;)
In any case... I like the conclusion that Wittgenstein, who contemplated similar questions, came to... that in the end, one must maintain silence!
Pink--The thing is you can never tell if somebody really understands you or not, simply because you may doing a double misunderstanding.
Tamara--Hurray you are around now. Well of course Wittgenstein was a major figure to make the modern mind conscious of the ways langauge form or deform our lives.
... but there's also magic in being mutually "misunderstood" with perfect synchronicity. I believe it's called romance!
Tamara--please please don't ever go there (though in its due time I had in mind to destroy that concept too; so beware). Romance is the sweetest ever misunderstanding man has ever enjoyed, turned a blind eye on, devised, manipulated and you name it.
"Individual background of each person is so unique to him/her that there is [almost] zero possibility of complete understanding"
Exactly what happened! Remember my post about Jill?
I see little steps taking us to the bigger picture, while you believe that we should start from the bigger picture and work our way down towards particularities.
We could both be right or wrong, does not matter what matters here is that we are both working to achieve the same goal.
Waiting for your next comment!
Soumiaz--thanks for your comment. Well, I am not exactly sure what goal is there to achieve. And when I said in your comment 'the bigger picture' I meant to see the small things within the bigger picture: both together. What about the whole notion of understanding? Any idea?
It's about 'reality' too, isn't it? I mean for me, there have always been at least 2 realities ... the everyday reality where so many live their lives ... 9-5 rules, a nice car, a predictable life - the exterior life we probably should all try to live, one that is shaped by the society we live withing.
Then there is the 'other reality' ... consciousness, being awake, our private truths ...
Anyway my point, if you explain something to a person from your own reality, then chances are that they won't understand it as you do.
I have this idea that this inability to understand each others reality, to empathise; the ability to walk a mile in the other man's shoes creates so many problems.
I hope this made some kind of sense. :) I'm reading Mourid Barghouti's 'I saw Ramallah' at the moment and I find his 'poet reality' stunningly beautiful and clear sometimes.
Wandering woman--Hi, welcome here; very thoughtful remarks; it's true it is not much the objective world (the world of objects) which may cause misunderstanding, it is our individual perceptions which make us so different from others. Yet, if we really intend to get to the bottom of it, even our relation with the objective world too is so unique to each individual.
Ahh... we come to books now; trickiest of all, I should say; have you heard a Russian linguist saying a reader may understand a book better than its writer?! It goes the same road. I may post something about reading too.
thanks for commenting and hope you can WANDER her more often.
"though in its due time I had in mind to destroy that concept too; so beware"
This man's on a rampage; beware!
So what gives, Behrooz?
Tamara--I know monsters who dwarf me by metres; so it's really no big deal, just trying to get to the bottom of our every day delusions. You in?
"You in?"
Sure. I'm in the (bleep) up to my neck. But I'm trying to keep my eyes on the stars ;-)
Hi guys: I wouldn't be around for about a week for the obvious Iranian reason of course. Hope you all have a very good Norouz break, as relax and enjoying as you see Tamara in the above picture.(Is it she?) Somebody tell me please becasue she is all ready to catch me red-handded literally at anything!
Aid Mobaarak, Sad Saal Behtar az in Salhaa. Behrooz Baashid :) (Yeah! How is that?)
"Sad Saal Behtar az in Salhaa"
Vaghean. I know I'll be keeping my little fingers crossed.
A very Happy Eid to you too, Behrooz. And stay outta trouble!
happy nu year Behrooz jan. Wish U all the best...
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